What Are Some Great Tips To Win Your Ex Back

If you really want to increase your chances of getting your ex back, then you must do whatever you can to keep your feelings from getting out of hand. It may surprise you to learn that much of what people go through after a break up mimics the emotions people experience after someone close to them dies. It's okay to grieve, but you also have to be careful that you don't these feelings spin out of control. People, your ex included, will go to great lengths to avoid those they perceive as emotionally unstable. So, it's logical that being emotionally balanced will get you on the road to making up and getting back together.  

For the record, the five stages of grief are normally defined as: Denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Let's see how to handle each of those as they relate to breaking up.

Denial: You may be in shock and disbelief right after the break up, leading to denial. If you find yourself saying things like, "Oh, he didn't really mean it" or "She's just a bit moody, she'll call me as soon as she calms down again", then you are most likely at this stage. The only way to get past it (and finally get back together) is to admit you are, indeed, split up.  

Anger: You may be mad at them, yourself, or any number of external factors. Being upset is normal, and some level of anger is to be expected. However, be careful that your anger doesn't cross the line into destructive behaviour. Also, understand that nobody may be to blame, break ups just happen sometimes.  

Bargaining: This is nothing more than making real or imaginary deals to get your ex back. If your sentences start with, "I promise I will...", then that's a good sign you're moving along through the normal grieving process. Understand, though, that bargaining isn't what brings your ex back. What does is having a good plan for reconciling and taking on it.  

Depression: The more in love you two were, the sadder you'll be when you break up. Sadness is one thing, depression is another. Everybody cries after a tough split, but when it affects your ability to function normally then it's time to get professional help.

Acceptance: Whew! Talk about some difficult emotions! But now you're through it and are willing to accept the truth of the matter. The good news is that once you're at this stage you're in the best to get your ex back. There is one catch though. You may tell yourself you are already at this stage, when in reality you're still working through one of the other stages. Maybe not. Just be honest with yourself. But assuming you are at this step...Congratulations...you made it!

Now it's up to you to take the next step and do what it takes to get your ex back.

If you’re determined that your partner is the right one for you, then it’s best to get a plan together to bring him or her back. The plan isn't difficult nor is it about dirty mind tricks. Why I suggest you have a plan is because right now you are likely too scattered to think rationally about your situation.

Feeling emotional, desperate, fearful, lonely, heart-broken and stressed are all emotions that are playing AGAINST you when you want to get your ex back.

But first, let me ask you some questions. Answer honestly and be mindful whether you're making some of these mistakes already.

Question #1 - Are you taking it seriously?

If you want your lover back, you need to be committed. You need a plan you can follow with conviction. If you doubt yourself, if you think you can win them back by doing what you've always done, you might not see the results you want.

You might be offended about that. How can you NOT be taking it seriously you ask? Well it's one thing to THINK about doing something, it's another to actually DO it. If you find yourself hesitating to quit smoking, lose weight or try to curb a bad habit, when you KNOW it will make your partner happy, then do you really want them back bad enough?

Question #2 - Are you willing to change?

Continuing on from the last question. Some people are too set in their ways to really change. Now there is a difference between changing just for the sake of pleasing someone else, and doing it for yourself.

You should NEVER change for someone else. That might seem contradictory from what I have said above. But what I mean is, if there's a behaviour you KNOW is bad for you, but you keep doing it despite how much your ex hates it, then perhaps you are not as committed to getting them back as you first thought.

This section about willing to change goes deeper than a few bad behaviours. Are you willing to sacrifice for your partner? Are you willing to change not only for them but for yourself? For the sake of your relationship and for your happiness?

Question #3 - Do you have a positive self-image?

Do you feel on some level you're not good enough for your partner? That you don't deserve them? These beliefs will limit your ability to get them back.

Of course it might also mean you feel regretful for something you have done. I'm not saying you should be overly cocky about the ability to get them back, but if your self-image was poor prior to them leaving you, then perhaps you need to work on that first.

If you are suffering from deep depression, stress or anxiety attacks, or you find yourself having suicidal thoughts, please do get professional help.

Question #4 - Are you paying attention to what your partner wants?

It's easy to fall into the victim mode. You're the one hurt, you're the one out of control, and you're the one desperate to get them back. You might want your partner to feel sorry for you, so your actions around them are also filled with self-pity.

This is very unattractive and will only want to make your partner wish they were somewhere else or with someone else.

Redirect your attention away from how much pain you are feeling right now and consider your partner’s perspective. Have you hurt them equality as much as they have hurt you?

Question #5 - Are you taking action?

Doing is more powerful than talking. The best way to start changing yourself for the better is simply by doing small things for yourself everyday.

These things could be:

➢ Losing weight .

➢ Improving your finances .

➢ Being more grateful .

➢ Treating yourself and the people around you with respect.

➢ Taking steps each day to improve on your flaws .

Simply saying you'll change and things will be better does not equal being so. To show your ex you really are going to change, you need to start putting that change into action.

Question #6 - Are you confident?

People are attracted to those that are self-assured and confident in their own abilities.

For men, if your girlfriend has left you, don't simply shower them with attention, gifts and 'I love You' (unless your break up was due to a lack of those things), identify the root of the problem and go from there. If you apologize blindly without dealing with the core issues, your ex will see through your blatant persuasions.

Question #7 - Do you feel the need to panic?

Panicking at this stage will only do you a great deal of unnecessary damage. This means drunk dialling, constant text messaging, stalking and talking to their friends/family to try to get them back. These are all things to be avoided!

Question #8 - Do you have misguided beliefs about gaining their trust and love back?

You can never EXPECT them to come back. Thinking that way will come through in your actions and this will only repel their desire to come back. Be genuine and loving to your partner but never expect to get the same in return.

Question #9 - Are you too proud?

You need to realize what is most important. Winning the battle or winning your love back. Swallow your pride and don't let a good thing go just because of your ego.

Question #10 - Are you drowning yourself in a great deal of self-abuse?

It is much too common for people to drown in their sorrow with alcohol, drugs or anything of that nature. This is NOT the time to start being self-destructive.

You need to be in the best shape you can be right now. This means eating healthy, exercising, getting out of the house etc. Substance abuse is not only bad for your body; it will only make you feel worse in the long-run.

If you’re determined that your partner is the right one for you, then it’s best to get a plan together to bring him or her back. The plan isn't difficult nor is it about dirty mind tricks. Why I suggest you have a plan is because right now you are likely too scattered to think rationally about your situation.

Feeling emotional, desperate, fearful, lonely, heart-broken and stressed are all emotions that are playing AGAINST you when you want to get your ex back.

But first, let me ask you some questions. Answer honestly and be mindful whether you're making some of these mistakes already.

Question #1 - Are you taking it seriously?

If you want your lover back, you need to be committed. You need a plan you can follow with conviction. If you doubt yourself, if you think you can win them back by doing what you've always done, you might not see the results you want.

You might be offended about that. How can you NOT be taking it seriously you ask? Well it's one thing to THINK about doing something, it's another to actually DO it. If you find yourself hesitating to quit smoking, lose weight or try to curb a bad habit, when you KNOW it will make your partner happy, then do you really want them back bad enough?

Question #2 - Are you willing to change?

Continuing on from the last question. Some people are too set in their ways to really change. Now there is a difference between changing just for the sake of pleasing someone else, and doing it for yourself.

You should NEVER change for someone else. That might seem contradictory from what I have said above. But what I mean is, if there's a behaviour you KNOW is bad for you, but you keep doing it despite how much your ex hates it, then perhaps you are not as committed to getting them back as you first thought.

This section about willing to change goes deeper than a few bad behaviours. Are you willing to sacrifice for your partner? Are you willing to change not only for them but for yourself? For the sake of your relationship and for your happiness?

Question #3 - Do you have a positive self-image?

Do you feel on some level you're not good enough for your partner? That you don't deserve them? These beliefs will limit your ability to get them back.

Of course it might also mean you feel regretful for something you have done. I'm not saying you should be overly cocky about the ability to get them back, but if your self-image was poor prior to them leaving you, then perhaps you need to work on that first.

If you are suffering from deep depression, stress or anxiety attacks, or you find yourself having suicidal thoughts, please do get professional help.

Question #4 - Are you paying attention to what your partner wants?

It's easy to fall into the victim mode. You're the one hurt, you're the one out of control, and you're the one desperate to get them back. You might want your partner to feel sorry for you, so your actions around them are also filled with self-pity.

This is very unattractive and will only want to make your partner wish they were somewhere else or with someone else.

Redirect your attention away from how much pain you are feeling right now and consider your partner’s perspective. Have you hurt them equality as much as they have hurt you?

Question #5 - Are you taking action?

Doing is more powerful than talking. The best way to start changing yourself for the better is simply by doing small things for yourself everyday.

These things could be:

➢ Losing weight .

➢ Improving your finances .

➢ Being more grateful .

➢ Treating yourself and the people around you with respect.

➢ Taking steps each day to improve on your flaws .

Simply saying you'll change and things will be better does not equal being so. To show your ex you really are going to change, you need to start putting that change into action.

Question #6 - Are you confident?

People are attracted to those that are self-assured and confident in their own abilities.

For men, if your girlfriend has left you, don't simply shower them with attention, gifts and 'I love You' (unless your break up was due to a lack of those things), identify the root of the problem and go from there. If you apologize blindly without dealing with the core issues, your ex will see through your blatant persuasions.

Question #7 - Do you feel the need to panic?

Panicking at this stage will only do you a great deal of unnecessary damage. This means drunk dialling, constant text messaging, stalking and talking to their friends/family to try to get them back. These are all things to be avoided!

Question #8 - Do you have misguided beliefs about gaining their trust and love back?

You can never EXPECT them to come back. Thinking that way will come through in your actions and this will only repel their desire to come back. Be genuine and loving to your partner but never expect to get the same in return.

Question #9 - Are you too proud?

You need to realize what is most important. Winning the battle or winning your love back. Swallow your pride and don't let a good thing go just because of your ego.

Question #10 - Are you drowning yourself in a great deal of self-abuse?

It is much too common for people to drown in their sorrow with alcohol, drugs or anything of that nature. This is NOT the time to start being self-destructive.

You need to be in the best shape you can be right now. This means eating healthy, exercising, getting out of the house etc. Substance abuse is not only bad for your body; it will only make you feel worse in the long-run.

The 'Get Your Love Back' Plan

So now that you know all the things to avoid when you want your love back, it's important that you take action right now to work on these changes.

Now here is a simple guideline to follow that will help you get your love back:.

#1 - Resist making the mistakes listed above and agree with the break up.

Being agreeable to your partner will show them that you ARE listening to their needsand you’re mature enough to handle the break up.

#2 - Limit contact.

If you’re separated, either temporarily or officially, limit how much you communicate with your ex for now. Use this time to gain another perspective on your situation and for the air to settle.

If you’re still together but things are bleak, talk reasonably with your partner about what you’re feeling and where the relationship may be going. Remember although this may lead to a break up, it’s better to know now than to constantly question and worry about the outcome of your relationship.

Either way you need to have a heart-to-heart with your partner and find out exactly what each of you want, and what you’re willing to do to keep the relationship moving forward.

#3 - Keep busy and re-evaluate your life goals and ambitions.

The best way to recover or heal from a break up is to refocus your life around other priorities that might have been neglected during your relationship. Use this time to improve your health, get fit, improve your finances and reconnect with friends and families.

Here are some ideas:

➢ Start a blog - blogging about things you're interested is a great way to refocus your life.

➢ Learn a new musicial instrument – or if you have slacked off from previous musical interests, this could be a nice time to start.

➢ Lose weight and get fit – not only can you start to gain confidence from exercising and eating healthy, moving your body is also a natural antidepressant.

➢ Make some extra money online . - Making some extra bit of money can be very rewarding and quite fun.

➢ Start dating casually . - Have some fun by going out and meeting new people.

➢ Learn to speak a new language .

➢ Join an interest club or meet . - Meet up with people with similar interests.

➢ Participate actively in online communities . Helping others with their problems will make it easier for you to cope with yours.

➢ Read a book .

➢ Start a novel .

#4 - Keep your eye open for new love and new opportunities.

As much as it will hurt to move on from your partner, it’s deadly to cling onto hope. Don’t place the fate of your happiness in someone else’s hands. Start to take control of your life and move onto better opportunities.

#5 – Re-establish a connection

Slowly increase contact with your partner. Remember though it's very important you have a period of no contact or limited contact to put things into perspective.

There are no set number of days you should wait but if you really want a number to follow, most will suggest 30 days.

I recommend no contact for at least 30 days, after which you can get back into your ex's life. The thing is to take things slowly! Don't jump if they show you the slightest bit of interest and certainly don't sleep with them before you're officially back together!

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