Have you ever had the experience of liking a woman, being a perfect gentleman, and treating her like a queen, only to have her reject you in favor of someone else (possibly very handsome) who doesn’t treat her right, or doesn’t seem to care about her much at all? These kinds of men have been called “bad boys”, “charm boys”, or “players”. When you are interested in women, do they tend to see you as a friend or “brother” rather than a romantic interest? Do women tell you you’re “too nice”? If so, you are not alone.
Tips on how to use charm-boy traits to your advantage
Let’s brainstorm for a minute. What makes charm boys or players attractive? They are fun, spontaneous, unpredictable, mysterious, and act as if they don’t care what others think of them (also known as confidence). They follow their own rules and don’t let others (including their dates) walk all over them. And they often look good.
So what can you do? You don’t have to engage in risk-taking behaviors in order to succeed with women. Suggest some “safe” ideas on the spur of the moment; for example, “Let’s go get some sushi/ice cream/a Margarita”, or, “Let’s go for a drive and see where we end up”. If this is not the usual “you”, you may enjoy your new-found spontaneity. You can be mysterious/unpredictable without violating your principles. Don’t call her the day after getting her phone number or the day after a date. Give her time to wonder whether you’ll call; keep her guessing. People often want what isn’t easy to get, and women like a little challenge.
You’re the man. Many women are looking for men who are confident and decisive, who can be relied on to get things done. On a date, take command but don’t be pushy. Always have a Plan A and a Plan B, so you don’t miss the concert just in case the restaurant loses your reservation and there’s a 1–1/2-hour wait. But always be flexible, in case your date hates Chinese food, for example, or she just told you her favorite musical group is in town, tonight only. Low-cost dates conducive to getting to know each other include the zoo, a museum, or miniature golf. In addition to saving you money, these low-cost dates also minimize the feeling that you have to “spoil” her or “buy” her affection with an extravagant wining-and-dining evening. And if she likes you, she won’t mind a “cheap” date; she just wants to be with you.
Keep it light and upbeat. Don’t be needy or act nervous. You might be a bit anxious while on a date, but she doesn’t need to know that. Keep things light and humorous, and pay attention to her. That in itself will help you take the focus off you and help you feel more confident. And be a gentleman (you’re already good at this). For example, always offer to pick up the tab unless she insists on paying, open doors for her, etc. But don’t overdo the gifts, lest you appear desperate.
Let her talk. This is where nice guys have an advantage. Most women like to communicate verbally and welcome the chance to be heard. (But make sure you listen; don’t just let your mind wander.) She will be impressed if you remember details about things that are important to her, such as her pet’s name or her favorite book. If you met her online, review her profile for questions you can ask her about her interests.
Neatness counts. Take another hint from the charm boys. You don’t have to be a Brad Pitt look-alike, but make the most of what you have. Review your grooming, clothes, and accessories with an objective eye. If you want feedback, ask a friend—possibly a female friend—for honest input. Or tune into one of the new TV shows which focus on wardrobe/grooming tips for men.
Have a life (and a backbone). Just because you are dating a woman doesn’t mean you drop everything else (including your own friends, hobbies, and interests). After all, relationships can come and go. Keep being yourself. You are not always at her beck and call. When you really don’t want to do something (for example, if she wants you to cancel your ballgame or night out with your friends to go shoe shopping with her), it’s okay to decline. Telling her no may be difficult for nice guys, but if she’s worth keeping, she will respect you for this and value her time with you more. To soften the blow, you might offer her an alternative get-together. For example, “Sorry I can’t make it on Saturday. How about I take you to that new play you’ve been wanting to see on Sunday instead?”
How does she rate? Remember: You have the right to evaluate her, not just the other way around. Does she deserve a second date? Is she relationship material (if that’s what you’re looking for)? Just because she’s attractive/smart/classy doesn’t necessarily mean she’s right for you. Does she treat you well? Is she kind? Does she have decent self-esteem? Is she giving? If you’re looking for a long-term relationship, can you see yourself still with her in 20 years, when some of the supermodel looks may have begun to fade?
The good news for nice guys is that as women get older, perhaps having survived a bad-boy heartbreak or two, they are more likely to appreciate nice guys. Make a list of your good points, the qualities you have to offer. Keep at it. And start believing that you are a catch (or at least act like it)!
What Men Should Know When They Attended a First Date
A terrible first date could ruin your chance of creating a wonderful relationship with your date and so you want everything to be perfect to have a great start. First dates can be stressful if you do not know what to do. The following tips can be very helpful if you want a more enjoyable first date.
How to prepare for your first date?
To make a more enjoyable first date, you have to do your homework and know some basic details about your date. It would be too awkward if you happen to ask the wrong questions. Focus on your date and prepare on how to make her comfortable on your first date. Some men do practice their lines before their first date and there is nothing wrong if you will do the same. Turning the focus on your date can help you forget your nervousness and you'll eventually become more at ease.
To create a more enjoyable first date, avoid Friday night date to avoid the pressure. Keep the date short to be more considerate of each other. If you or your date can't feel any connection, keeping the date short will save you both of the awkwardness. Keeping the date short doesn't mean you have to be rude if there is no spark on your first date. Treat every first date as an opportunity to expand your network of friends. Who knows, your date might offer to introduce you to her friend who could be a better fit for you. Be a gentleman and treat every first date with good manners. If there is a connection and you are both attracted to each other, keeping the first date short means there is something to look forward to, which is your second date. The anticipation for the next date can be very interesting for both of you.
Be punctual on your first date or call if something came up and you cannot make it on time. It is important that you make her feel that you respect her time and remember that being considerate or respectful of your date makes you more attractive.
What to wear on your first date?
The clothes you wear on your first date affects the level of your attractiveness. Dress sharp and look your best on your first date. Most women love to go out with a guy who dress well but this does not mean you have to spend a fortune for your new wardrobe. Wear something presentable, clean and appropriate for your date. Wear clothes that flatter your best physical features and minimize your less attractive features. Of course to have a more enjoyable first date, you also have to be comfortable and confident wearing your outfit because you do not want to feel tense or uncomfortable with your outfit while on a date.
Experts recommend that men should stick to dark-colored pair of jeans, long sleeve collared shirt with slight patterns or not too loud patterns and with loose tie. For a casual look, a nice polo shirt and sports jacket are another option. Tucking in your shirt makes you appear clean and presentable. Avoid wearing khakis which makes you look like going to a workplace than a date. Avoid loud prints and stripes if you want to look good and impress your date. Choosing loud colors can be distracting, if you want to stand out, choose the colors that are most likely to attract women like white, black, grey, blue and green. Colors like cobalt blue and maroon can be attractive too. Flashy clothing or accessories are not appropriate for a date because it will draw the attention away from you.
Of course do not overlook your hygiene. Pay attention to your footwear, have your shoes polished to make them look clean and wear the appropriate socks. Put attention to your hair, your fingernails and nose hairs. If ever you end up wearing the wrong outfit on your date, relax and just be yourself and enjoy the moment with your date.
Where to go on your first date?
Most people choose to spend their first dates on places where they can dine or sit opposite each other to talk and know each other better but the problem with this setting is that the date may become more of an interview than a date. Meeting for the first time on this kind of setting can be too formal and you both may find it difficult to come up with subjects to talk about that may lead to long silence or awkwardness.
To have a more enjoyable first date, it is best to include enjoyable activities that you can do together like attending a cooking class, painting class, country fair, bowling, biking, ice skating, karaoke, etc. or visit places where there are many things that you both can look at and talk about like museums, zoos, theme parks, underground aquariums, botanical gardens etc. A walk in the mall or shopping for small things is also a good way to spend your first date and get to know each other better. Talking while doing things together is not only enjoyable but it creates new experiences and memories. As much as possible avoid concerts, plays and movies on your first date. Dates should allow you to talk, interact and connect with each other and it is hard to accomplish that if the environment is too noisy or you are both busy watching a movie or a play.
Here is a guide for dating
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